The Great Support: Josiah's Birth Story

 This last pregnancy was not an easy one. Especially upon entering the third trimester, the acid reflux, constipation, back pain and general discomfort was much MUCH more than with any of my other babies. I was getting hints from the midwife that the baby seemed on the bigger side but was trying not to think about it too much. I prayed for him to come early for these multiple reasons. There's the temptation of giving into fear as birth approaches, and I daily worked to set my mind with faith for the strength God would provide. 

                                    Inspirational collage I made for leading up to and during labor: 

I was pretty disappointed to not be planning a home birth this time. Having had the last two at home, I had a hard time looking forward to the sterile, un-homey hospital delivery and everything that came with it. But I also trusted that God had a different plan this time around and accepted it, doing what I could to plan a way to make it as cozy and homey as I could. And I was thankfully afforded a Doula through our insurance which was super nice! (If you don't want to read the details of the labor/birth you can now skip down to "God's Fingerprints".)

Earlier in the week I began feeling very nauseous - for about 2 days I was in bed most of the day and couldn't hardly even eat. Thursday I felt better, then Friday was back to normal (pregnancy "normal" anyway) and was able to eat and get some things done. I'd been having Braxon Hicks contractions on and off for weeks, but Thursday night they seemed a little more consistent/stronger. However, when I went to bed they dissipated. Again, Friday early evening they picked up and I laid down for awhile to see if they would again die down, however this time they didn't. This was my first hint that labor might be starting. I went to bed to try and get some sleep. Around 10PM I told Mike that they were fairly consistent but 12 minutes apart and to get some sleep! 

Saturday, May 10^th:

Around 3am I timed again (8 minutes) and in the middle of the contraction my water completely broke all over our bed! I got up and called the doctor and they said to come in. So, after calling Auntie Alicia to come stay with the older siblings and letting our Doula (Faith) know, I woke up Daddy and we got a few final things packed. Mike said he felt like this was the closest thing we've had to one of those movie-style trips to the hospital, as it was a half hour drive, the contractions were pretty regular at that point, and he did drive fast! We got to the hospital around 4am. Faith arrived a little behind us after we were settled in the labor room and things began picking up fairly soon after. I started laboring, and then pushing on my knees with the labor ball, but after awhile the doctor really encouraged me to move to my back at least for a bit and that actually did seem to be better and I made some more progress. The doctor was also great about coaching my pushing/breathing to be more effective. I think perhaps she at least realized at that point he was on the bigger side and this might be difficult. And man, it was…. When he was in the process of coming out a bunch more people came in the room and there was a flurry of activity, people around, pushing on me, pulling – I was so focused on pushing so hard that I didn’t have time to think much about it, but I found out afterwards that baby’s shoulder was stuck coming out (Shoulder Dystocia). Mike and the doctors could see the top of the baby's head crowning but he was not progressing. They had to do some maneuvers to help him turn a bit so he could come out. Thankfully everything they did was very effective and it was only about half a minute to get him unstuck and out he came! 

God's Fingerprints

 

Josiah David Coburn was born at 6:52 AM. They said they needed take him to the warmer right away and I said OK - That moment was a little scary for both of us but I trusted that they knew what he needed, and he was fine, just a little “stunned”. Honestly, so was I. It was all so intense. Mike called from over by the warmer “He’s crying Sweetie, do you hear him?” And then I did… the sweetest sound! They checked him over to be sure he was OK and also did a quick weight…. Mike said “Amelia, did you hear that??? 11 pounds 7 ounces!!” (He was also tall, 22 inches!) I was shocked, I couldn’t believe it! Everyone in the room was pretty amazed (and he was the talk of the ward for the next few days at least)! They brought him over to my chest and then we got to just rest. He went straight to size 1 diapers and won’t get to wear any of the newborn clothes we have, but he’s SO sweet and cuddly! 

 

I got my prayer answered that he would come early (6 days early). May 10th was also one of my first choices of a birth date (although I wouldn't have complained at all had he come earlier) - since all my other kids have easy-to-remember birth dates, this one just *had* to cooperate! 

That we ended up having a hospital birth, was another answered prayer (that we didn't even know about ahead of time). While I still wholeheartedly believe homebirth's are safe (home birth midwives are trained to deal with complications like Shoulder Dystocia - see HERE) and I think everything would have been fine, it was such a quick and difficult labor that I am ultimately grateful to have been in the hospital this time (especially since the first 24 hours after were pretty rough recovery-wise). So it was really nice to have the extra support and help afterwards. Recovery for me has and will be a little slower this time (the normal healing from birth, plus stitches and I also pulled some muscles in my back) but we're getting there! Josiah is nursing like a champ and doing well!

 

Josiah is named after the boy-king in the Bible that zealously followed the Lord and his name means “The Lord supports”. Indeed, God greatly supported me through this pregnancy and birth! David is also a kingly Biblical name and means “Beloved”. We pray the Lord would indeed support this child as he does His other beloved children and that he will follow God with all his heart. To God be the glory!

                                                   So thankful to finally be able to snuggle him!

Also thankful for this dear husband of mine, there to hold my hand through it all. 

(Reading me some Scripture here as well.)

                                                                            Going Home!!!

Tranquility in the Midst of Loss

This past Saturday evening (June 8th) I began experiencing what reminded me of early labor pains.... Those labor pains that had brought forth the life of my other three children. But these “labor pains” would not bring life. Instead, they indicated what I had suspected for the previous 2 days (and actually worried about for about a week)… they marked the end of my 10-week pregnancy and the loss of our 4^th baby who had been growing inside me. A very rough next few hours followed after which things slowed down and I thought the worst was over. I even went to church Sunday morning! But late afternoon the cramping and heavy bleeding started again…. A little while later as I was about to tell my husband I thought maybe I should go to the hospital I instead said “I think I’m going to pass out”. Pass out I did, and my poor husband was left holding me up and trying to call 911. (Hubby did a great job staying calm and the two older kids were very curious but not traumatized.) After a free ride to the hospital, sirens and all (I managed to joke with the EMT’s and thank them for “making me feel important”) I landed in the ER. After getting fluids I felt a lot better but the bleeding didn’t stop. After several hours and some very uncomfortable exams it was decided I needed a procedure. Despite the pain and discomfort it was successful and the bleeding immediately stopped. Cramping subsided as well and I was discharged within an hour; we got home at 3:15am Monday morning. After a hug from my mom who was sleeping on the couch (they came to watch the kids so Mike could join me at the hospital) I collapsed in bed. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I slept a decent amount on Monday (we managed to get my husband a nap too - he hadn’t gotten much sleep either and was taking the day off to care for me and the kids). A day later and I am feeling much better, just need some more time and rest to get back to normal (I'm still tired, very low energy, dealing with headaches, etc.)

 

I have had family and friends walk through miscarriage, but there’s always something about experiencing a suffering/loss for yourself for you to truly understand. The early waiting, the anxious feelings, the uncertainty/not knowing causes you to be reminded of how much you can't control. A more traumatic miscarriage with complications was certainly even worse to deal with, but I have had so much hope and faith knowing that our good God knows infinitely more than we do and has taken our little one to His own arms. But still my extended family, husband, children and I grieve the loss of not being able to hold them in ours. I greatly appreciate prayers as my body recovers and as our family grieves. I had come across the meme below nearly a year ago and thought it was so precious that I shared it for those who had experienced loss; now I share it for me.

 

Heaven will be sweet enough with Jesus there, but it just got a little bit more precious.

 

 

This passage I read over and over sitting in the ER (Psalm 16):

 

 

We do not know for sure if our baby was a boy or girl (which honestly bothers me more than I thought - I think because it removes some of the individuality), but we did choose a name:

 

Shiloh is a gender-neutral name of Hebrew origin, meaning “tranquil,” ”His gift” or “He whose it is.” This spiritual title is also the name of the place where Israelites used to assemble to meet with God.

 

True tranquility and peace is only found in God, in the hope of the Gospel of Christ giving himself for our sin and our full surrender to Him in response. Without Him, there is no hope. There is no life. Only death. Through all the moments of trial and suffering I've had in my life God has walked with me, humbled me (which isn't fun but necessary), shown me more of Himself, and brought His perfect hope and strength. 

 

May God's tranquility walk with you as you submit yourself to Him in whatever season you walk through.

 

 

Mama’s Tips for A Stress-Free Sunday

Sunday morning we go to church. Church is very important to us for various reasons. It’s important enough to be there weekly, to be on time, and for our kids to learn to behave/sit still so they are learning/participating and not being distracting to others.

 

Currently, my husband is teaching the adult Sunday School class at our church so we have to be leaving the driveway at 8:45 AM (and can’t be late!). Our kids (currently) have just turned 5, 3 and 1. Two years ago we lived down the street from church, so I stayed home with two littles ones while Mike went early to (again) teach Sunday School, and I got myself, a toddler and a baby ready and up to church by myself. So I have figured out a good routine to 1) make Sunday morning (mostly) stress-free and 2) get us to church on time! (I say mostly because as we all know, the unexpected happens with kids and they don't always wake up on the "right" side of the bed!) At the end I’m also going to share some tips for being in church with little ones and how to make that less stressful (and less distracting for others).

 

The #1 tip I’m going to give you for a stress-free Sunday morning is this: Prep Saturday night! I don’t think I can emphasize enough how important this is! It’s so important that I do not make plans Saturday evening if I can help it. You might not think there’s much to prep, but I’ll bet you’re running around Sunday morning before church doing at least most of these things. Doing all this Saturday evening, means (you guessed it) you don’t have to do it Sunday morning (AND you don’t have a messy house to make it feel more stressful). So here's my general Saturday evening routine:

 

1. Clean up: After dinner, the kids play (with Daddy or by themselves) and I clean up after dinner. I do the dishes, wipe counters (etc.), pick up our kitchen/living area (it’s all one room in our very small apartment) and vacuum. Having a clean house reduces stress over all, and means I have less to do late at night/in the morning…. Or later on Sunday for that matter!

 

2. Bathe kids. Around 7:15 is bath time for the kids. I wash their hair and then let them play for a while while I finish cleaning or move on to the next thing.

 

3. Pre-pack diaper bag. Diapers, extra clothes (for the baby at least), snacks, water bottle are the usual things I have to refill/check. Sometimes the diaper bag needs a quick cleaning out so I’ll do that too if needed.

 

4. Prep kids’ room so it’s ready for bed. I basically do this every night if it’s not already picked up… just a quick clean-up so it’s not a mess. Then I close the curtains and get their pj’s out.

 

5. Pick out clothes for Sunday. I will pick out the kid’s clothes and have them either laid out or at least obviously set-apart in case Daddy is the one to dress them. I also decide what I am going to wear as well (because I don’t want to waste time figuring that out in the morning).

 

5. By 8 the kids are out of bath and having a snack and I’m nursing the baby and getting him ready for bed. He goes down at 8:30. Then the kids have Bible Time with Daddy, brush teeth and go to bed at 9.

 

 

Sunday Morning Routine

We have a very simple and quick morning routine (an hour to an hour and 15 minutes is all we get):

 

Younger two kids are usually up around 7:30/7:45, which is when we usually get up as well. I take a shower and get dressed. Then I fix my breakfast and (try and) get kids to eat (3-year-old doesn’t like to eat breakfast usually – which is why I always have extra snacks packed for the car). My 5-year-old (Keller) usually sleeps late so I’ll often just bring him something to eat in the car… it’s wayyyy easier than waking him and trying to get him to eat. I’ll eat breakfast and do my hair, then do my daughter’s hair. I dress the baby while my husband helps Keller. Then we grab the diaper bag and Church activity bag (more on that below) and we’re out the door. The only extra things I grab are my phone and personal water bottle. (I usually do my make-up in the car since I don’t use a lot so that also saves time.)

 

If we got up earlier we could have more time for kids to eat, etc. but kids (and Mom and Dad too!) like to sleep later, and so this works for us. My biggest tip here is to figure out what time you need to leave and work backwards. Also, leave yourself 10 more minutes than you think you’ll need. As you get into a routine it may shorten, but when you’re first working on a routine you need to allow extra time (especially when you have little ones who unexpectedly will have a diaper blow-out or something). It might take some time to figure out your routine (and how much time you need) but you’ll get it! It’s worth it to have less stress and to be able to get to church on time! 

 

2024 Update: Currently, we are 40 minutes from the church my husband now pastors. We have to be heading out the door at 7:30am.  Our kids aren't big breakfast eaters so they get big reusable applesauce pouches in the car. I take my shower the night before now and we all get ready in less than an hour!

 

Tips for a less-stressful church experience with kids:

 

Work on sitting quietly at home: We didn’t start this till fairly recently, but when we have our evening “Bible Time” the two older ones are expected to sit quietly and listen. We will evolve this as time goes on and expand the time and our expectations for them. Kids can sit longer than you think. I remember being surprised when my son first sat through an entire prayer meeting (about 30 minutes) with zero issues (and he’s a very busy child)! I realized he could do a lot more than I thought he could! However, it is not fair to expect your kids to sit quietly at church if you do not practice at home.

 

Church Activity Bag: (or box or whatever!) This a bag that is ONLY for church with quiet toys, fidget toys, sticker books, books, coloring books, etc. Basically, whatever would help your particular child(ren) sit more quietly. This gives your kids something to do during the service if they get bored. We also try not to let them use the Activity Bag right away – ideally not until after the singing so they can participate in that. Kids do not “need” any kind of toys/coloring things during a service (or even during a sermon) because they can learn to sit quietly, but it’s an option, and a nice one especially when they are young.

 

If potty trained, take them to the bathroom BEFORE the service starts. This is easy to forget but it will hopefully eliminate the need for them to go during the service. This is a good general habit for adults as well... Valuing being in church means you think about even simple things like this so you’re not missing part of the service or being a distraction to others.

 

Sit in the Back: Have you ever sat behind a child in church who was fidgeting, moving a lot, and/or misbehaving? If so, you know why it’s respectful to sit near the back with your kids. If your kids are young, are still learning to sit still, and at an age where you need to be prepared to correct (or discipline) them during the service, it’s easiest and less stressful for you (not to mention much less distracting to others) if you sit in the back (or at least on the side/near an exit). I mean, full disclosure: we have on several occasions had to take a kid quickly out of church who was misbehaving…and loudly (anyone else???). So I was pretty glad we weren’t sitting up front! Valuing church means also helping others to not be distracted if you can help it. Sometimes it can’t be helped of course, and it is also important that we understand that kids make noise… and we shouldn’t segregate families or children because they can’t sit quietly like adults can. However, you can still do your part to help others be less distracted by sitting in the back with your little ones until they are at an age/stage where they can sit quietly. This is just generally respectful to others. And this will make church less stressful for you as well!  

 

I’ll add we have a general rule of no snacks in church. We haven’t always done this, but realized it was pretty distracting to others. Now my kids get snacks on the way to church (and right now they can have some during the Sunday School hour since there is no kids class), but once we’re in the sanctuary there’s no more snacks. This eliminates 1) them asking for snacks, 2) snack noises, 3) mess. The only exception to this is the baby who sometimes gets those little dissolvable baby snacks to help him be quiet (but make sure they are not the ones in loud packaging!). (Obviously nursing a baby doesn’t count either.)

 

Home Sweet Homebirth: Daniel Alan's Birth Story

The original plan for this home birth was to have it at my mom’s house, because she has a nice jacuzzi tub in a lovely master bedroom suite – and that’s where my daughter was born two years ago. My mom had everything all ready for us there, but this little guy, like his older brother apparently, didn’t want to follow our plans for location. We had also hoped for Tuesday 8/9 for the birth because of some work-related things of my husband’s, but baby decided that he also liked having the same month and day for a birthday – again like his brother – and came a day early (2 days before due date).

 

Sunday (the day before) was a busy day! We went to a picnic with Faith Baptist where Mommy’s nephew got baptized and we went swimming in the lake. Big sister Liberty was making Mommy be pretty active with her love of the water. We had ice cream for dinner because it was really hot out and apparently it ended up being out last outing as a family of 4! That evening while getting out of the shower, I slipped just a bit pulling some muscle between my legs. That was rather painful and left me wondering if/how it would affect labor. Not sure if it did trigger something or not, but just before 1am on Monday morning, I had what they call “the bloody show”. Contractions started shortly after, but I tried going back to bed to get some sleep… after calling the midwife to let her know the status. Mild contractions continued, but they were 7-10 minutes apart so I didn’t think too much of it (and didn’t want to bother people in the middle of the night!). I dozed some and around 6am I got up after the contractions seemed to be getting more intense (but were still consistently about 10 minutes apart). Almost immediately, the contraction pace picked up to 3-4 minutes apart. When I text updated the midwife and said I thought we should definitely leave for my mom’s, she called me and said “we’re going to come to you, you should go lay down”. So I did. Contractions slowed a little and gave us time for her and her assistant (Sue) to both get there around 7:30-7:45AM. I had called my sister (Auntie Alicia) around 6:30 who came over to help get Liberty and Keller up and then she took them to her house (thanks sis!!!!)

 

Daniel was born at 8:59AM, after me pushing for about a half an hour. He came out in one final push, fairly fast, and cried right away! It’s such an amazing feeling seeing/holding your baby after all that hard work! His cord was pretty short, so he was next to me until it stopped pulsing. Once it was cut he was on my chest. After the placenta came out a bit later, I did have some mildly serious bleeding that the midwives managed fairly quickly and successfully (but I did have to get two shots and extra pushing on my tummy for the next half hour-hour to make sure I wasn’t still unusually bleeding inside). None of that was fun at all, and my poor husband got a bit scarred by it, but everything ended up fine! Because of that I was also a little weaker for the next day or so, but by the end of the 2^nd day was feeling pretty good! A week later, I'm feeling pretty good except for tension in my back/neck that gives me headaches (chiropractor visit today hopefully will help), and my blood pressure is still a bit on the high side so I'm trying to rest as much as possible. Midwife is still checking on Daniel and I for another 5 weeks so I feel quite supported during this season.

 

Daniel weighed 6 pounds, 7 ounces, 21.75 inches long - my smallest baby by far... my other two were both over 8 pounds! I had rather hoped for a small baby and I got one! He’s so little! He was a rather uninterested eater the first two days… it took him a little bit to figure out that nursing was now how he was supposed to be fed, so it took quite a bit of time and patience nursing, especially through that first night and second day. You forget how hard it can be when they are so little and learning to nurse. But he figured it out and is turning into a champ! A week old and he's back up and over his birth weight!

 

On realizing we weren’t going to make it to my mom’s, I was slightly disappointed to not get a water birth, but in the end 1) we didn’t have to go anywhere which was nice, and 2) we didn’t have to travel home/going anywhere after having him either! As hard work as natural birth is, I’m a big advocate of it, and of home births. It was so sweet to be in our own room and home and have midwives there to help take care of us/things and avoid so many interruptions by nurses and extra people and who knows what else. I was able to just lay in my own bed holding my baby until I was ready to hand him over for his newborn check, and just stay there.

 

I felt very weak going into this birth, for various reasons. I’ve dealt with a bit more anxiety/fear this time and prayed a lot for God’s strength, through the delivery especially. I was given the strength I prayed for. I am also so thankful for such a helpful husband and a supportive family who’s helping us in various ways these first days and weeks, and friends who have offered meals/help. Big brother Keller was a bit confused at first that “baby brother” was no longer in my belly but is quite sweet about his arrival. Big sister Liberty could pretty much care less, and is mostly ignoring him. Haha! It will be a bit of an adjustment for her as she’s been very much a Mommy’s girl, but she’s already getting used to spending more time with Daddy so that’s sweet too. I’ve been rather apprehensive of going to 3 kids, but I know we will adjust and have a “new normal”. God will continue to give grace and strength.

 

Why we chose his name: Names and their meaning are important to us so we prayed and waited for the name we thought our son should have.

DANIEL: His name means "God is my Judge", and he is named after the man of great wisdom, faith and courage in the Bible. The name felt special as it seemed to almost come to Mike, waking him up in the middle of the night, even though it would not have normally been one of his picks. When he talked to me the next day, I told him that I’d actually been thinking a lot about that name too even though we hadn’t discussed it! I’ve always liked the name but didn’t think I’d really end up using it because it’s more common. But we’re very happy with his name.

ALAN: Alan is the name of his paternal grandfather and we are glad to honor him in this way. There are various opinions on the meaning of the name; the Gaelic origin means "handsome, cheerful" (and we certainly hope he's both of these characteristics!), but we also like the Celtic meaning which is "little rock; harmony, peace".

 

"For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is He who will save us." (Isaiah 33:22)

 

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3:17-18)

 

 

Liberty Hope: Our Daughter's Birth Story

Background: (If you want you can skip this section to the action below – but this part explains how we ended up choosing a homebirth!) Our firstborn’s birth didn’t go as planned. However, this being my second time around I did feel more confident about giving birth and would have liked to have done a free-standing birth center again, but unfortunately in our area there are no options for that so at the beginning of my pregnancy I was planning on giving birth at the birthing center at St. Vincent’s in Worcester. I had a few appointments with a midwife in connection with them and she was… just OK. There was still this sense of formality and protocol and not a close connection or respect for my choices that I had experienced before. I had thought on and off about how amazing it would be to do a homebirth but it wasn’t something our insurance would cover and so I resigned myself to making the best of it. Then Covid-19 happened. The office I was going to transferred me from there to the hospital (where they had covid-19 patients by the way, which I thought was insane). There wasn’t good communication about this either and the more things went on the more I knew that I really didn’t want to give birth there and wanted to look into a homebirth more. I communicated with a few different home birth midwives and found one up near my mom which actually worked out well because I actually wanted to give birth at her place since she had a nice big jacuzzi tub in her master bedroom (and our apartment didn’t have a tub at all) and if I was going to have a home birth I wanted a tub! After my second meeting/appointment with my midwife I knew I’d made the right decision. She is amazing! And despite our insurance denying our appeal to cover the cost, I was over and over again affirmed in various ways that this was the right choice. We still prayed for a faster and easier delivery this time around and I was very hopeful!

Fast forward to the end of July. It was SO hot and as I was in the last week before my due date I began trying to get things moving – especially since Liberty was so low and in a great position!

Friday, July 24: I went for two walks, and my sister tried some pressure points on my ankles.

Saturday, July 25: Went and saw a friend who did an ankle massage/pressure points with castor oil, then swam some at a lake.

Sunday, July 26: 

Afternoon: We packed everything in the car just in case, dropped Keller at my sister’s and went to my mom’s where I walked two miles on the treadmill, then the midwife gave me a tincture (I forget what that was) followed by some homemade ice cream with castor oil mixed in… it was actually pretty good! The midwife said that usually (note: “usually”) that in a few hours there would be an increase in contractions followed by a bowel movement and then things would taper off. This could repeat in a few more hours before actually labor would really kick in although sometimes it wouldn’t induce labor, in which case in the morning she would come and we’d do a second dose. 

Evening: The first few hours after that part a-typical of what was to be expected. We thought we’d have plenty of time and as we were slightly concerned about Keller sleeping away from us/keeping his auntie up (he doesn’t sleep great somewhere new) so around 7PM we decided Mike would go home and get him and stay with him for the night – and of course I would call if/when things started (and my sister would just go stay at the house with Keller). I had some mild contractions followed by a bowel movement and then nothing. I facetimed with Mike and Keller around 9PM and then tried to go to sleep but around 9:30 contractions were starting up again. At 10 I asked my mom to come keep me company and also began timing them – because they were seeming stronger and fairly close together. I was texting with the midwife on and off and she suggested taking a shower and various things to help (she thought for sure it was still just early effects from the castor oil so wasn’t worried about needing to be there yet). Nothing seemed to help. By 11 PM they were very consistently 3 minutes apart and very strong - and I was starting to get a little more concerned. Shortly after I called Mike - 11 times! His phone for some reason didn't ring even though he had set it carefully to! He very shortly after checked his phone and called me though. I wanted him to come and just be there – even though I STILL wasn’t positive I was actually in active labor. He left shortly after on the hour drive back. A little after 11:30 I spoke to the midwife and said I thought she should come and be there. Part of me still thought that maybe it was still the castor oil (and so did she), but it also felt.... different. God knew and moved me to tell them both to come. Sure enough almost right after that I moved from having contractions to actually pushing… and after a little bit I realized this was no bowel movement! I remember my mom starting to fill the tub and saying “try not to push til the midwife gets here!” – haha she was really getting worried she might have to deliver her granddaughter! I remember thinking – “Ohhh no I’m pushing!” and I think this moment is when I actually realized this baby girl was really coming VERY soon!

Monday, July 27^th: at exactly 12:15am I managed to text the midwife “think she’s coming” - I was pretty sure I could feel her head coming down. I thought of telling Mike to hurry at more than one point but literally had no time in between contractions/pushing. Thankfully the midwife had just pulled in the driveway and came running up right away. I was still sitting on the toilet at this point and the tub was almost filled/ready. Midwife checked me and quickly realized that yup she was coming and helped me move into the tub. Then Mike arrived about 12:20, as my mom was running down and bringing up the equipment from the car for the midwife so she didn’t have to leave me. "Get up there quick" she told him. About 15 minutes later, at 12:33am, Liberty Hope was born! As soon as she came out I reached down and brought her up out of the water – that was super exciting because I had kinda wanted to “catch” her myself and I DID! It was pretty amazing!

Right before she was born the midwife was having a hard time finding her heartbeat because she was so low and so did hurry the process a bit just in case. The cord was wrapped around her body twice, once around the neck - it wasn't tight around the neck or anything so it was fine, but the midwife still had to help her get those big gasps of air (was rubbing her chest pretty aggressively and gave her a few puffs in her mouth). I think it took close to a full minute til she began crying and then she was just fine! I was helping hold her during this and wasn’t really worried, I was sure she would be fine, although that minute did seem pretty long! She is still doing great! (FYI, it is VERY normal for this kind of thing to happen. The cord is often wrapped around the baby, but is not often dangerously so, and sometimes babies do take a minute or so to get their lungs clear from the amniotic fluid, again quite normal.)

I had prayed a shorter labor and wow I got it – way faster that I would have ever guessed! Really it was no more than THREE hours total! The midwife was originally going to have an assistant too.... yeah she didn't make it. It was funny though, I had imagined having this relaxing time in the tub while in earlier labor with candles and nice music… none of that happened! I had set up my oil diffuser before trying to go to sleep earlier and the Christmas lights were on but that was it! Not that I minded of course – it was very VERY intense (and honestly, I was screaming basically the entire time I was pushing) but then it was over! After about an hour she latched and sucked really well and has done great in that department ever since!

God was with us the entire journey. He knew what I and Liberty needed and got everyone there in time. It was fast and crazy but I wouldn't go back and change it for the world! Praising God for his grace, strength and this wonderful precious baby girl!

                                                   I caught her!!!! (Thanks Mom/surprise birth coach
                                                   for this picture)

                                                            Keller meeting his sister!

Why we chose her name:

This was a fairly rough pregnancy for me. For almost all of December I was not only physically not feeling well many days with fairly bad “morning” (all-day) sickness, but my hormones were crazy and I often felt depressed and anxious. Hope was something the Lord reminded me of and encouraged me with during this time. Thankfully the sickness and emotions eased, and I felt great until early April when the hormone/emotional struggles came back. And this was also about a month into the Covid-19 shutdown where I also began to be frustrated with how it was being handled. The liberty we have as American’s has always been very important to me and to see those being withheld, not to mention stripped (in various other areas as well) was very distressing to me. But the end of April the Lord began reminding me that while any freedom we have on this earth is temporal and can be so easily lost, but we have a steadfast hope in an eternal and perfect liberty in Christ where there will be no more sadness, disease or injustice. I still remember the moment the Lord pressed this name for my daughter on my heart and I wept with a sense of freedom and renewed hope. Liberty Hope! It took a little bit of time for Mike to come around about the name, although he did want me to have the lead in naming our first daughter, but it won him over too. Over and over this name has brought me so much encouragement and I trust and pray she will be a light and hope to many in this dark world.

Here is her name meaning and Bible passage it is based from:

Liberty: The state of being free - ultimately met our spiritual redemption and physical resurrection in Christ.

Hope: Steadfast confidence in a world of fear and uncertainty.

Rom 8:19-25 – “For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

Thoughts of a New Mama

My little boy just turned 3 months. The past few months have been crazy… right around the time he turned 2 months we packed up our apartment and moved from Philadelphia to Massachusetts where we have been living with my parents for a month now (waiting for our new apartment to be ready). Keller also has had some allergies which for several weeks made him spit up a LOT nearly every time I fed him and he was very uncomfortable (and thus fussy) a lot of the time (poor little guy!). We finally figured that out all it was (eggs, wheat and entire bean family!) when he was 10 weeks and he got SO much better. Early on I also developed pain in my wrists that still hasn’t gone away (currently wearing braces when he’s sleeping and going to see a doctor soon). Since he was born I had worked hard at getting Keller into a routine (wake, feed, play, sleep pattern) but his allergies made that difficult, then the stress of the move and being in a different place messed him all up and he regressed to taking 40 minute naps and wanting to eat every 2-2.5 hours. He was waking twice at night which wasn’t too bad, it was more during the day and getting him to sleep at night. When he was sleeping a lot of times I would think I heard crying. Nearly EVERY SINGLE TIME he woke up from his nap I would sigh with frustration – 40 minutes again! It was tiring! I tried at one point to get him on a 3 hour routine (which involved letting him cry for a bit when he woke early from naps) but then wasn’t sure he wasn’t quite ready, plus I knew we’d be moving into our new place in a few more weeks. I didn’t want to make things more difficult so thought maybe I should just roll with it until we were settled? I had so many doubts… Do I let him cry? Do I rock him to sleep every time? Do I roll with it? Was I doing the right thing? But then I had two nights of him waking 3 times, plus only four 40 minute naps (which meant I only got a half hour nap in the morning) and that night I couldn’t fall asleep for awhile because I was (again) crying with frustration, uncertainty and from just being tired. My sweet husband asks what he can do and all I can think is “I don’t know”. I WISH I knew. I wish someone could just tell me exactly what to do and it would fix everything. The problem is there’s so many different people telling you so many different things. Do this, don’t do that, have you tried _____? I mean, who do you listen to? I would get SO annoyed with anyone who told me to “cherish every moment”… how the heck am I supposed to do that? And then I’d feel like a failure because I wasn’t enjoying motherhood very much at all at the moment.

I leaned towards just rolling with it, but I was so exhausted emotionally and physically that then I was all anxious about having a breakdown. This is even while we were living with my parents and my mom helped me sometimes. But the thought of soon moving to be on our own stressed and frightened me too. My sister-in-law reminded me that in order for my little one to be happy and healthy his mama needed to sleep! That means either pumping a lot (which gets complicated when you have a baby to take care of) or getting formula so that my husband could do feeds when he was at home or, putting him on a schedule and teaching him to sleep. All this came with another whole set of emotional stress… I’m his mother, I’m supposed to be able to feed and care for him. Having someone else feed him or giving formula felt like I was failing in a huge way. My whole life I’ve wanted to be a mom, now here I am feeling as though I am failing miserably. Welcome to reality I guess. It’s incredibly humbling to say the least.

I also had to work through being concerned about what other moms might think… I can’t seem to figure this out when others have. Are they going to look down on me for not being able to handle it? I had to talk to God a lot about my concerns about being “successful” and having everything under control and being too concerned about other’s opinions.  

I’ve had my pride crushed… I’m having to swallow it whole. I’m learning to be OK with not having all the answers or having it all together. There are many times I just feel like hiding away, afraid of being judged. But I know I need others around me for encouragement. I have family members and friends who love me and understand how hard it can be. I need to ask for help, for prayer. And I’m so thankful for different family members taking the time to talk and give advice, and for the encouragement of many others.

Motherhood is not easy. Whatever you might think, however it may appear, it’s not! Even if you don’t happen to struggle much at first, it will humble you eventually. At times it will mean having your pride utterly crushed. Motherhood is about growing in patience, genuine self-less love, self-control. It’s about learning how much you need God and others.

I’m in the middle of a big mess. I’m trying to work things through with God. I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me and my son. It’s hard, it’s tiring, there’s SO much uncertainty! But there’s God and His grace, baby smiles and giggles. It’s enough.

 

Answered Prayer: Keller’s Birth Story

I am very pleased to share that our son, Keller Michael Coburn, was born at 2:33am on Saturday May 5^th. He weighed in at 8 pounds, 7 ounces and is doing great! 

 

The title of this post may seem a bit strange after I tell you that there were a lot of prayers said before and during my labor and delivery with Keller that seemingly weren’t answered. We prayed for a “normal” delivery at the Birth Center (easy/fast would have been great too but I was happy to settle for a fairly normal one) and without complications. But the labor was very long and difficult… I was in labor for 50 hours and pushed for at least 4! Things did not go according to plan… I ended up transferring from the Birth Center to the hospital across the street (after 3 hours of pushing and still feeling strong contractions/urges to push – that was a crazy experience!) and needed the assistance of a vacuum to finally be able to get him out. They had to cut the cord right away and take him to clean him off because he’d pooped quite a bit and needed suctioning so it was about 2 minutes before I was able to hold him. I also developed pretty bad hemorrhoids which complicated my recovery on top of getting an episiotomy (although that was better than tearing which I certainly would have).  It was the most exhausting and painful experience of my life! (And my poor, sweet husband – it was very hard on him emotionally and mentally to watch me through the whole ordeal!) Needless to say, there was a lot of very discouraging and disheartening moments.

But the truth is, God DID answer all of our prayers…. He just delayed many of them and said no to a few. I don’t know why. There were multiple times God didn’t answer my prayer in the timing I was asking for – especially in the pushing stage where one prayer I prayed was “Please Lord, let this be the time he gets below the pelvic bone” (he was not progressing past that point for quite awhile). Or later with “Please let his head come out with this round!” (Again, he was crowning for awhile but I didn’t get him out until the vacuum was used.) God delayed….

Why does God delay answering prayer? Why does He say “No” to certain requests? I don’t know. But I DO know that He is good, that He did answer many prayers….

Prayers God answered:

--I have a healthy, beautiful, perfect little boy! (I cried as I wrote this!)

--I was able to deliver vaginally and not have a c-section (Oh man, I could not imagine having to have gone through all that labor and then have a c-section & recovery on top of everything else!) Honestly, there were several moments where I thought “just take him out, I can’t do this anymore,” but afterwards, I was/am SO grateful to have avoided it!

--I had amazing midwives and nurses helping me along the way, and a great doctor at the hospital who pushed me through (and provided assistance with the vacuum) and helped me avoid the c-section. One nurse from the birth center who came over to the hospital didn’t have to stay but she did until he was born – she wanted to see it through. Everyone was so encouraging through the whole process and said that I did “just amazing”! (Apparently on my record more than one of them said I was “heroic”…  To God be the glory of course, but I do have to say, I was pretty amazing to do all that!)

--My husband was a rock through the whole thing! I’m so thankful for his encouragement and strength through the whole ordeal. And he’s already an amazing dad!

--God DID give me strength – I did it! I’m thankful God gave me the ability and wisdom to prepare my body ahead of time (I worked hard at eating healthy and exercising all through my pregnancy) and that I was strong and fit to endure the process.

All in all, while I certainly hope I never have to go through that long and difficult a process again, I am so grateful for God’s provision, grace and strength. Also, thankful for many family and friends praying before, during and since Keller’s birth.

Thank you, Lord, for my precious bundle of joy! (More pictures will come soon!)