Don’t let the title of this worry you… my relationship with my husband is great. Actually, it’s wonderful. He’s incredibly sweet and thoughtful and loves me to pieces. But I’ve realized more fully the truth of something I heard/read before I got married, and that is that your spouse can’t fully satisfy you. Not really.
Don’t get me wrong, I find a whole lot of satisfaction in my husband (and vice versa), but our hearts were not designed to be fully satisfied in another person, they were designed to be satisfied in God. When he’s feeling discouraged or anxious I can encourage him, I can speak truth to him and love him, but ultimately his heart can only be brought to peace through his relationship with God. The same goes with me. When I’m struggling he is an amazing gift of God to me in that he listens and encourages and loves on me, but again, I can only really find peace and lasting comfort when I seek it from God Himself. It reminds me of this quote from Elisabeth Elliot: “Our hearts are lonely till they rest in Him who made us for Himself.” (The Path of Loneliness, p. 90). How many of us have been standing in a group of people, friends even, and still felt lonely? How many husbands or wives have lain next to their spouse and still felt like something was missing? Our culture speaks about finding “the one” or the person that “completes” you. The problem is that our hearts were never made to be completed by another person. We need relationship and fellowship with others, it’s true. And God gave the gifts of friendship and marriage to bless and help us in so many ways. But as much of a blessing as my husband is, he can’t forgive the sin I’ve committed or give me the strength I need to endure the struggle sin often causes in our lives. As much as I love my husband, even he is not enough to motivate me towards holiness all the time. Only Jesus can do that. Only Jesus can forgive me of my sin and change me. Only He knows the deepest recesses of my heart and is able to redeem my struggles and failures.
Don’t look for something in the world or another person to complete you, to give you what you need to change or be happy. You’re seeking something only God can give you somewhere else… that’s idolatry. It’s been said that people are wonderful gifts, but terrible gods. They can’t deliver what we are looking for and you’re only going to be disappointed. My husband isn’t perfect. He’s hurt my feelings and disappointed me. He needs Jesus just as much as I do so how I can look to him to fix me? Jesus has redeemed me with His own blood… He is the One who loves me more than my husband ever could, and He is the One who completes me and fully satisfies my heart.
I’m not enough for my husband, and he’s not enough for me, but that’s OK. God is enough for both of us.