“Discernment is not simply a matter of telling the difference between what is right
and wrong; rather it is the difference between right and almost right.” -Charles Spurgeon
Incorrect interpretations of Scripture, no matter what Christian theologian may
speak them, need to be treated as what they are: false teaching.
Poor interpretation must be
corrected if we want to hold Scripture high. (-me)
Jeff Crippen (pastor, advocate and writer at https://unholycharade.com/) has written this very educational book on domestic abuse in the church. With the experience of nearly hundreds of interaction with victims (and abusers), Jeff reveals the Church-at-large’s arrogant ignorance of abusers and their damage to their family members all while wearing an effective mask of Christianity. He quotes extensively from victims (and some notable church leaders) proving the church-at-large’s weakness in this area to understand and help.
The Church (and I speak of the Church-at-large) does not take abuse in the church seriously. One reason is because we don’t want to believe there actually ARE wolves in our midst. Surely, not in OUR church. Surely, not THAT “nice” man who teaches Sunday School! But most people are also woefully ignorant of the nature of abusers – that they are people without conscience and extremely skilled at deceiving others. While I’m sure most of us have seen some news stories of a charming man who ruthlessly murdered his wife (or others), we don’t think (or want to think) that this kind of man could be part of our church – or even be in leadership! But the truth is that Jesus himself warned that this WOULD happen:
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire…” (Matt 7:15-23)
Churches are also deceived by false repentance. We think that if someone SAYS they’re repentant and ACTS like it in the moment that they must be genuine. But the truth is that repentance is only really known by one thing: Fruit. And fruit takes time. It is false teaching to take the word of an abuser’s “repentance” and just expect the victim to “forgive and forget”. It is dangerous to rush reconciliation before we see evidence of true repentance. We not only may risk the physical life of the victim, but even more so, we put their emotional and spiritual health at risk.
Too many churches are also more concerned about their
reputations than about dealing with situation. Abuse in the church looks bad,
it’s far easier to just tell the victim to “submit more” “forgive and love him
anyway” than actually help and deal with the sin of the abuser. Part of this
is ignorance, but it’s a willful ignorance where they ignore the pleas for help
and ignore the lack of repentance-fruit. I personally know several churches
who were (or still are) either deceived or flat-out denied/ignored the plight
of the victim, siding with the abuser and excommunicating the victim when she
finally fled. Even when the elders were confronted with proof of abuse they
have refused to apologize for the injustice they’d given. Instead of helping
they tell her to submit in ways that she was NOT commanded by God to do, and to
suffer unjustly. This is the total opposite of what church leaders are supposed
to do. I have said elsewhere that those that don't deal with abusers are like the pharisees, here's what Jesus said about them:
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth
of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters
of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter,
without neglecting the former.” (Matt 23:23) You “pile heavy burdens on people's
shoulders and won't lift a finger to help”. (Matt 23:4)
Christians can also idolize marriage so that their focus becomes on “preserving the marriage” rather than seriously dealing with the sin and protecting the victim. They do not understand that in their desire to “preserve marriage” they are actually degrading marriage by continuing to validating it when the vows have been broken (and continue to be broken with no true repentance). Many Christians also have a false interpretation of Malachi 2:16 that is so often quoted as “God hates divorce”. This is a completely inaccurate translation. This inaccuracy is prevalent despite the accurateness of the ESV says: “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” Hating his wife and being “faithless” is exactly what an abuser is. This isn't saying he should divorce (or that she shouldn't divorce him). Even if he does not pursue divorce (usually an abuser does not as he wants to stay in control of his victim, plus that would make him look bad) he has broken the marriage vows to “love and protect” his wife. THIS is what it means to have a high view of marriage. While no one will love their spouse perfectly, the idea is that there is a genuine desire to love and do good to their spouse. Abusers do not have this, and over time the true of any “repentance” should be very clear – if we are paying attention.
Jeff gives lots of practical instruction on how to spot
abuse, how to recognize an abuser, questions to ask to help you see through any
façade, ways to help the victim, how to know if divorce is Biblical, and more. This
book is a must-read for Christians, especially those in leadership who are called
to shepherd Christ’s flock. To ignore
abuse is to ignore justice and mercy just as the Pharisees did.
“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil.” – Detrick Bonhoeffer
May we repent of our blindness and arrogant ignorance in dealing with abuse victims within our walls. May we deal rightly with the sin of abuse, and not allow the victimization of others. May we set free the oppressed and show true justice to the sinner and the victim.
“Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause
of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” (Isa 1:17)
“Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great,
but judge your neighbor fairly.” (Lev 19:15)
Some excerpts from the book:
Buy the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Unholy-Charade-Unmasking-Domestic-Abuser/dp/0692533222
