Book Review: Devotedly, The Letters & Love Story of Jim & Elisabeth Elliot

Devotedly, - The Personal Letters and Love Story of Jim & Elisabeth Elliot, complied and written by their daughter Valarie Elliot Shepard.

Jim & Elisabeth Elliot are two of my heroes of the faith. I have been so blessed by their lives, sacrifice and story through the writings of Elisabeth. Their lives/her books have impacted me more than anyone or anything else (besides God and the Bible of course). Needless to say, I was SO excited when I heard about this book! Here their only child Valarie publishes never-before seen letters and journal entries of Jim & Elisabeth from the time they first became friends at Wheaton College in 1947, through their long-awaited wedding in 1953, and closes with them as a happy family of three at Valerie's birth in 1955.

Can God be trusted to write the story of our lives? Even more so, can He be trusted with the pen when it comes to our desire for love and marriage and family? The story of Jim and Elisabeth shows us that YES, He absolutely can! In their story there is struggles with singleness, there is loving someone and yet not feeling God's leading to pursue marriage, there is SO much waiting and patience.... but there is a beauty that is beyond what some of us have ever witnessed. Their story is one of faith, hope and true love. Not the fairy-tale, whirlwind love you see in the movies... this is a deep, eternal and holy love. All loves stories are different and we shouldn't compare too much - my husband and I had more of a whirlwind/fast relationship (only 9 months between when we met and when we got married). But this is a beautiful testimony to what happens when two people are fully surrendered to God and willing to wait on Him rather than pursue their own desires. It will be sure to bless and encourage your heart as you seek to pursue and wait on the Lord for the desires of your heart.

There were so many beautiful quotes, as well as poetry written by both Jim and Elisabeth (let me tell you, Jim was an eloquent writer!) it's hard to pull out just a few quotes for you.

Jim and Elisabeth dealt with a lot of people expressing "concern" or criticizing their relationship (they loved each other but were not in a formal relationship). But Valarie writes, "As long as God's will was uppermost in each of their hearts, they were under no obligation to explain themselves to anyone or give out the details of their prayer life and relationship dynamics." (p. 111)

"... the way for [Elisabeth] to love [Jim] best and most appropriately - most Biblically, she determined - was by more and more loving the Lord Jesus." (p. 47)

This was Valarie's favorite quote from her father, from a journal entry on October 28 1948: "Prayed a strange prayer today. I covenanted with my Rather that He would either do two things - either glorify Himself to the utmost in me, or slay me. By His grace I shall not have His second best. He heard me, I believe, so that now I have nothing to look forward to but a life of sacrificial sonship (that's how my Savior was glorified, my soul) or heaven soon. Perhaps tomorrow. What a prospect!" (p. 31)

And this is probably my favorite from the book:

"I can say, without any risk of overstating, much of my own decision to stay pure until marriage came from my mother's joy in telling me about their marriage, and about her and my father's determination to keep their promises to God during this time in their lives. They each ached for each other, as all lovers do. But as the woman, she understood well that she, even more than my dad, was the one in greater control over how much leeway they allowed themselves in touch and enticement. There is much wisdom on display here, amid much tension. Be inspired by it. This is an actual demonstration of God wanting His children's best and of His children believing - despite their passion, despite their feelings - that nothing, nothing, offers any substitute. Times may be different today, but this truth is not. And never will be." (p. 197, italics hers, bold added)

Be inspired brothers and sisters! Be inspired to live a life fully surrendered to God.

Answered Prayer: Keller’s Birth Story

I am very pleased to share that our son, Keller Michael Coburn, was born at 2:33am on Saturday May 5^th. He weighed in at 8 pounds, 7 ounces and is doing great! 

 

The title of this post may seem a bit strange after I tell you that there were a lot of prayers said before and during my labor and delivery with Keller that seemingly weren’t answered. We prayed for a “normal” delivery at the Birth Center (easy/fast would have been great too but I was happy to settle for a fairly normal one) and without complications. But the labor was very long and difficult… I was in labor for 50 hours and pushed for at least 4! Things did not go according to plan… I ended up transferring from the Birth Center to the hospital across the street (after 3 hours of pushing and still feeling strong contractions/urges to push – that was a crazy experience!) and needed the assistance of a vacuum to finally be able to get him out. They had to cut the cord right away and take him to clean him off because he’d pooped quite a bit and needed suctioning so it was about 2 minutes before I was able to hold him. I also developed pretty bad hemorrhoids which complicated my recovery on top of getting an episiotomy (although that was better than tearing which I certainly would have).  It was the most exhausting and painful experience of my life! (And my poor, sweet husband – it was very hard on him emotionally and mentally to watch me through the whole ordeal!) Needless to say, there was a lot of very discouraging and disheartening moments.

But the truth is, God DID answer all of our prayers…. He just delayed many of them and said no to a few. I don’t know why. There were multiple times God didn’t answer my prayer in the timing I was asking for – especially in the pushing stage where one prayer I prayed was “Please Lord, let this be the time he gets below the pelvic bone” (he was not progressing past that point for quite awhile). Or later with “Please let his head come out with this round!” (Again, he was crowning for awhile but I didn’t get him out until the vacuum was used.) God delayed….

Why does God delay answering prayer? Why does He say “No” to certain requests? I don’t know. But I DO know that He is good, that He did answer many prayers….

Prayers God answered:

--I have a healthy, beautiful, perfect little boy! (I cried as I wrote this!)

--I was able to deliver vaginally and not have a c-section (Oh man, I could not imagine having to have gone through all that labor and then have a c-section & recovery on top of everything else!) Honestly, there were several moments where I thought “just take him out, I can’t do this anymore,” but afterwards, I was/am SO grateful to have avoided it!

--I had amazing midwives and nurses helping me along the way, and a great doctor at the hospital who pushed me through (and provided assistance with the vacuum) and helped me avoid the c-section. One nurse from the birth center who came over to the hospital didn’t have to stay but she did until he was born – she wanted to see it through. Everyone was so encouraging through the whole process and said that I did “just amazing”! (Apparently on my record more than one of them said I was “heroic”…  To God be the glory of course, but I do have to say, I was pretty amazing to do all that!)

--My husband was a rock through the whole thing! I’m so thankful for his encouragement and strength through the whole ordeal. And he’s already an amazing dad!

--God DID give me strength – I did it! I’m thankful God gave me the ability and wisdom to prepare my body ahead of time (I worked hard at eating healthy and exercising all through my pregnancy) and that I was strong and fit to endure the process.

All in all, while I certainly hope I never have to go through that long and difficult a process again, I am so grateful for God’s provision, grace and strength. Also, thankful for many family and friends praying before, during and since Keller’s birth.

Thank you, Lord, for my precious bundle of joy! (More pictures will come soon!)

A Newly-Married Girl’s Thoughts on Singleness & Contentment

I know.

If you’re single and reading this you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking “what does she know, she’s married now!”

I know, because I’ve totally thought that! I really do totally understand and in no way wish to minimize how you feel because I remember feeling a very similar way. And I hope this is encouraging!

I got married about 2 weeks ago at the age of 32. It was a pretty long wait. I say “long” because it was, (although I know other people who have gotten married a lot younger and say it was a long wait…  I really don’t think you’re allowed to say it was long until you’re at least late 20’s, but it still seemed long to them I'm sure). I also say “pretty" long because I have friends who are the same age as me or are older and are still hoping to be married. I greatly admire and respect them for how they’ve sought to wait on the Lord even in their deep desire to be married. And I know many people who suffer in other ways that I haven't... how I admire their faith and trust in God in the midst of so much difficulty!

Being married now and looking back, it’s true, singleness is really hard (and if you’ve read my blog you know just how challenging it’s been for me personally). But, it also had a whole LOT of sweetness. I had many blessings and experiences while single that I wouldn't have had if I'd been married.

But yes, I love being married. I love being with my wonderful husband who’s my best friend. But in all honesty I do remember thinking at one point before we were married “do I really want to do this?” ‘cause when you get married, you’re not your own anymore. All my money, all my free time (all my time pretty much), things like how much I slept in, how clean I kept my room, what I wanted to eat for dinner or buy at the grocery store – all these decisions would no longer me mine to make as I pleased. There was someone else to consider, a living breathing person with feelings (and good sense) living with me to make decisions with and to submit my desires to.

Hello marriage. Goodbye independence.

Is it worth it? YES, absolutely. But I’m just saying that it IS a sacrifice. And I’m saying, if you’re single, don’t take it for granted. Elisabeth Elliot wrote a lot about how singleness is a gift… and she experienced the hardship and the joys of it. I struggled to believe this as a single person, but I re-read 1 Corinthians 7 (where Paul talks about how single people are free to serve the Lord) recently as a married woman and it struck me in a new way. Truly I was much more distracted now; I had a husband to focus on and please. Before I could devote myself to God and to His people and I realized in a deeper way what a great gift that is! To be free and unhindered to serve, give, love… as a single person, I was a great gift to the Church! There are so many ways that I was able to serve that at the time didn’t seem important, certainly not exciting. But looking back and seeing all that God’s done in and through me it’s pretty neat! In my 12+years being a single adult I got to do a lot of amazing things! I went to college, got training in Biblical counseling, traveled various places, I lived for 2 short periods in Germany, went to Bible School for a year, interned for an amazing ministry in Colorado, took seminary classes and then went to seminary. And that’s not to mention all the great family trips, road trips with friends, summers at a Christian camp (this was the first summer I didn't go at all and it was sad!), and many opportunities to serve in my church in ways that other people couldn’t! There were so many things that I didn’t realize till later the great gift each experience was to me and to others involved. They have made me into the person that I am today. And they have helped to shape and bless others in more ways that I even know.

I’ve learned over the years that discontentment can come at you no matter where you are in life. Just watch “Mom’s Night Out” to see that (I could seriously identify with Allyson’s feelings even though I was single and didn’t have any kids). I certainly struggled with discontentment while I was single, and at times I gave in to it. As a result there were opportunities for me that I didn’t take advantage of. Moments where I could have served, loved, given and been a blessing but I was too distracted by what I didn’t have. In a recent sermon at my church we were reminded that this sinful world is discouraging, but even in the midst of that we ought to be pursuing joy in God and living the life He’s called us to to the fullest. Singleness is hard at times, but so is marriage. Friends, LIFE is hard! But it’s also filled with so many wonderful gifts!

All this to say, don’t disregard where God has you right now. Don't end up wasting your time focusing on what you don't have and miss opportunities. He has a great purpose for your life. You are a gift to those around you. He’s given you a life to live so go live it! Enjoy every moment you can but remember that lasting joy only comes from the Giver Himself. Put Him first and then enjoy life as much as you can! 

Batman vs. Superman and the Problem of Evil

So I saw Batman vs. Superman last night.

 

This not a review of the movie (although if you can handle some violence, a lot of things blowing up and can keep your eyes away at a few spots than you’ll be set), but it is one that addressed some very important philosophical and spiritual questions involving the character of God. In the movie Lex Luther equates Superman to God and addresses the age-old question “Is God all-powerful or is He all good?” Lex’s conclusion is that He can’t be both and so he’s on a mission to kill him.

So is God all-powerful or good? The conclusion for many like Lex Luther is that He cannot be both, therefore if He is all-powerful and not good we should hate Him, but if He’s good and not all-powerful than we don’t have reason to worship Him, can’t trust Him to help us, and can kill Him. What is the answer to this? Is God one or the other? The answer is fairly simple, but yet complex at the same time.  

God is both. 

God is all-powerful – if He was not, He would not be God. God is also good – infinitely, perfectly good. Meaning, He is perfect. The problem is that we don’t really understand what this means. God’s goodness means that He hates the opposite of good, but if that’s true we wonder why He allows all the evil in the world. The problem we don’t see is that evil is not just outside of us, it’s inside of us. Paul Washer explains that God’s goodness is actually most terrifying thing you will ever encounter, because we are not good (see clip below).

In Romans 3 Paul asks if God is unjust for inflicting His wrath. The answer of is “certainly not”, for “there is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God…” (Romans 3:10-11). If God in His perfect goodness were to wipe out evil He’d also have to wipe all us out too! Thankfully, God’s goodness also means that He is longsuffering AND that He has sought to rescue us from the evil within us – but He has to do this in a way that His perfection is not compromised. He did this by sending Jesus to die in our place, to conquer sin and death and defeat it in His resurrection. It has been said that at the cross love and justice kissed, that on Calvary God’s goodness (that is His holiness and mercy) was both demonstrated and satisfied. Thinking about this nearly makes me want to weep, because I have seen into my heart. I don’t know the depths of the evil that lingers there, but I know I don’t measure up to God’s perfect goodness and in His goodness He cannot have me in His presence. But having trusted in Christ and repented of sin I am placed into Christ, and now when God looks at me He sees Jesus in HIS perfect goodness.

God is all-powerful and we ought to worship Him, God is all-good and we ought to fear and tremble and cry out for mercy! In Christ we receive that mercy, but only if we are willing to humble ourselves and believe our need and His provision.

This is extremely important in counseling because often people are struggling with suffering of some kind and wonder why God isn’t doing anything. They need to see God as present in their suffering and that He has a purpose beyond what they can see. Even when bad things happen they have a God who laid down His life for them and who will redeem even the darkest moments. It’s interesting to note that even this movie has a redemptive theme. In a sense Superman (“God”) kills the monster (referred to at one point as the Devil) but in the process has to lay down his life for others. Also implied at the end of the movie is that Superman doesn’t stay dead – he’s going to come back! How interesting! A reminder for us that God will win even when it looks like all is lost! There is hope, sin and suffering will not have the last word.
 

Is Anxiety Sinful?

This post is based on a session given at the 2015 CCEF National Conference. This particular session was titled “Six Ways to Help and Anxious Person” and was presented by David Powlison. For more information please visit http://www.ccef.org/

The reality is that in this fallen, uncertain world we have good reason to be afraid. We should not be surprised of the abundant reasons we have to be concerned. However, there are better reasons to not be afraid, the main one being that we have a God who is in control of the world and every detail of our lives. But despite this hope-giving truth, I for one have struggled with anxiety. There was a time where my body and mind were both working against me to overwhelm me with feelings of stress and anxiety. At times I didn’t even have a good reason to feel anxious, but I still was. Sometimes I couldn’t even explain how I was feeling or why I was feeling that way. How is one to understand these feelings? Are those feelings of anxiety, as some preachers and writers have said, sinful in and of themselves? Do I need to repent of what I feel?

The answer, I would argue, is no. Feelings of anxiety are not sinful. Feelings and thoughts of worry are not sin and one should not feel guilt concerning them. Feelings cannot be sinful in and of themselves, for they are just indicators of what is going on in our mind, body and heart. Feelings and thoughts are not sinful, but they may be a temptation, and it is the response that can be sinful. This is a very important distinction; those who are anxious are not necessarily sinning! There are bodily weakness that can contribute, or it may be the result of other suffering. Those struggling need others to ask questions and understand their struggle. They need help to respond well to this temptation. There is usually much more going on below the surface that even they realize.

As we seek to help those who struggle with anxiety David Powlison gives us four questions we can ask. First we should help them ask “What’s going on with me?” We need to help them understand what they are feeling. This was such a great point because when you’re feeling anxious often you are not really sure what you are actually feeling. Also, they need to get to the root of their feelings – what is underneath their anxiety. Often there is fear, and they need to realize and face that fear. Second, “Who’s here with me?” They need to be reminded that God is with them and they can trust Him. Often in times of suffering it is hard to feel loved by God and they may need to be reassured of this truth. During my own personal struggle with anxiety and depression something that helped so much was people reminding me over and over that God loved me - because my circumstances and feelings were telling me otherwise. Third, “What’s pressing in on me?” Anxiety reveals what’s important to us, what we can’t control. We need to face those things and bring them to God. This leads to the fourth question which is “What’s hijacking my heart?” We easily forget who God is and fear man or circumstances more; we need to realize what is ruling our heart.

Then there are two action steps we can present to those who are struggling with anxiety. First, we need to help them have an honest conversation and be transparent about their struggles. Their feelings are not just going to disappear, they need to deal with them! We cannot hide, we need to be open. I love how he talked about how our prayers are worries, but they are God-oriented. We take our concerns to God in prayer, and to others to help us. Secondly, we need to help them focus on doing what needs doing today. God has things for them to do now; He has a mission and a purpose right now, even though life seems really overwhelming. Often we just need to focus on taking small steps of obedience and not on the bigger, distant things that we have no control over anyway! Repentance indeed may be needed. We may need to repent of our desire to control or of our self-centeredness. These are the actual sins that need to be dealt with; feelings of anxiety are simply the overflow.

For some anxiety may be a long-term struggle. This is a trial and a suffering that God has allowed in your life but He is in the one in control and will carry you through. But also remember that in it He also calls you to seek to persevere through it in faith. Throughout Scripture we meet men and women who were beset by circumstances that left them overwhelmed, anxious and weary. But they also give examples of how we should respond -David wrote the words on the picture below as he sought to bring his anxieties to the Lord. By all means seek medical counsel and remember that just because you feel anxiety doesn't mean you are sinning. But you do need to pay attention to how you are responding to those feelings. The beautiful thing is that anxiety can be a door to faith; it’s an opportunity to trust God. In fact, you have a responsibility to seek to trust God no matter what you feel. You are not a victim of your feelings, they do not have to control you; they do not define who you are. Also, this is an opportunity for the church community to love and pray for others. We need to be open and honest about our struggles, and we need to seek to know how people are really doing. As we learn to really get to know others and what’s going on in their heart we can better minister and love them. That is what the Church is supposed to be all about.