Book Review: Finding the Hero in Your Husband: Embracing Your Power in Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery
I came across this book in recently looking for some counseling resources for wives. I have read various books for women/wives but most of them tend to either lean quite egalitarian or too heavily on the other end (I would even say they lean patriarchal even though they would ALL claim to be "complementarian" (I'm thinking of Rachel Jonkovic/Doug Wilson crew, but even some like Voddie Baucham and Martha Peace who are super respected in very Biblical churches I have found to be lacking in what I would consider a true Biblically-balanced "complementarianism"). In coming across this book, I was honestly a little skeptical at first - she's trained as a psychologist - and most of the time I find these types do not have a good balance (both Biblically/theologically but in also how this plays out in their counseling). However, she seemed pretty Biblical from my basic research so I gave it a try. To my surprise, I got through the first chapter and said to my husband "I think this might be the be the best, most Biblically-balanced book for wives I've ever read." On page 7 there is this quote: "A woman never marries the man of her dreams. She helps the man she marries to become the man of his dreams." More specifically, Juli goes on to say that God has given us power in our marriage to help our husband become the hero and man GOD wants him to be (not so much the one WE want him to be).
Not only does Juli have a background/training in counseling and understanding complex human psychology but she has had a not-easy marriage herself. In addition, and maybe most importantly, she has a solid understanding of the teaching of Scripture on marriage. I also want to add, that Juli is VERY gentle in how she writes. For example, she doesn't presume that her readers automatically accept the Biblical teaching of "submission" and realizes there 1) has been a lot of flat-out wrong or mis-teaching of this topic even in the church, and 2) there is a Biblical balance. She also acknowledges more than once that abuse/serious sin issues are unique and require specialized counseling and help beyond the scope of her book. She is very honest with her/their own marriage struggles, where she's had to learn and grow and is very thorough in going through various topics. Her main focus is intimacy - which must involve a lot of things not just the physical side of things. For true intimacy there must be good communication, submission to Scripture, genuine love and respect, understanding, the ability to work through conflict, etc. From the need (and sometimes fear) we have about feeling safe and needing "closeness" in our marriage, communication, working through conflict, submission (what it does and does NOT mean), sex, the "big 3" conflict issues (fiances, parenting & in-laws), and more, and she walks you through Biblical passages, examples from he counseling experience (as well as her own), and practical steps/encouragement. There is SO many practical examples and advice of how you should love your husband well so that you are 1) loving him instead of putting him down, and 2) empowering him and not enabling. At this point in my marriage, our marriage is pretty good - but there were still lots of really good reminders and encouragements that I needed to hear. And she echo'd a lot of things I personally learned during a very hard season of our marriage.
I highly recommend this book to wives, or even women who are waiting or are soon-to-be wives. Biblically balanced, practical and SO inspiring and encouraging!
P.S. I'm currently working through another one of Juli's books which I will review when I'm done. If you'd like to check out her other books/resources her website can be found HERE. There's also videos/interviews she's done that you can find online.
P.S.S. Some might notice the forward is by Jackie Hill Perry - I will rightly acknowledge that her theology/viewpoints have been concerning lately, but I don't consider her endorsement of this book a concern.
