My Soul's Delight: Finding Treasure in the Field of Suffering

"Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend.” (Song of Songs 5:16)

Nearly all my life I’ve wanted to be married. Not only that, but I wanted to get married young and have a whole string of little ones to raise. Well, here I am, 31, and not a prospect in sight! This has been an area of suffering for me, and the Lord tested my devotion to Him rather severely in the recent past. But, as extremely difficult as that season was, I have come out with something so valuable, that I really would go through it all again.

I’ve been a Christian since I was 13; I fell in love with Jesus then and never really looked back. But yet there was so much deeper to go, so much more of this Lord and Savior to know and delight in. The Bible talks about God being everything we need, about Christ being more precious than any other thing. We believe this to a degree. Yet coming to the point where we really, truly believe that so that it utterly consumes us, is another matter. To love Jesus to the point where your soul nearly bubbles over with joy; to the point where you just weep with joy; to the point where truly nothing else matters, that sadly is not the experience of many.

However, it is possible. David writes in Psalm 16:11, “You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” This is not theoretical! It’s real! Yes, it’s spiritual and not physical, but that doesn’t make it any less a reality. In His presence (which really is all the time), there IS fullness of joy, there are pleasures beyond anything this world has to offer. It took a severe disappointment, a hard time of suffering for me to learn this. There may indeed be weeping for a night, but joy does come in the morning (Ps. 30:5). There is a joy and delight to be found in Jesus that comes only when everything else has been stripped away. He indeed can fill the soul with a rapture and delight that is other-worldly.

I have been reading through the Gospel of John recently and was stopped short by a passage I have read probably a hundred times. The Pharisees brought a woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus and basically asked for His judgment. But Jesus responds by saying “let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” At this all the men just walk away. Then the passage says this:

Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one 
condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said to her, "Neither do I 
condemn you; go and sin no more." (John 8:10-11)

To think that Christ, because of His death on the cross, does not condemn me, when He as the Creator of the universe ought to, it beyond amazing! I was nearly overwhelmed by the love of Christ! How glorious to think that He no longer condemns me! Are you amazed by this truth? If you’re not, then you know nothing or very little of God’s love. For how should one respond to such a love as this? How then shall I live? The answer is found in the last part of Jesus response: “go and sin no more”. This is more than going and trying not to sin; it’s much more than legalism. Jesus wants us to delight in Him! He wants us to love Him so freely, so unhindered, because it’s also there that we experience a greater measure if His love for us.

The other night I was in the car and a little song came on that was a love song. At first it only served as a rather painful reminder that I had no man to love me in that way, but then instantly I was reminded that I had a much better Lover. He loves me more than anyone else ever could! He wants my whole life, my whole heart, my whole devotion. This means my thought life, my spare time, my daily life stressors, my relationships with my family and others. All of it, He wants to be the center of every part of my life. Shall I resist Him? This wonderful beautiful Lover of my soul? If you do resist Him (even just in certain areas you are unwilling to fully surrender) what does that say about your response to this love? Can you really look at Christ on the cross and not give up all that you would hold dear?

Friend, Christ is all-sufficient for you! The struggle, the disappointment, the suffering you face is worth it, because on the other side you have the opportunity to know Jesus in a deeper way that you think is possible and let me tell you, it’s worth all the pain. Wait, and He will come to you, He will restore you and give you more joy than you had before. I would do it all again, I would turn away from the dreams I have for my life, and I will be content never getting married, all because He is enough . Unless the Lord so pleases and I meet a man who delights in Jesus as much as I do, there’s no way I’d give up what I’ve gained. I’m not perfect nor have I attained perfection, there will be trials yet ahead I am certain and times I will fail. But I’ve found a treasure hidden in the field of suffering, and He’s worth everything to me.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

(from the hymn, Be Thou My Vision)

Seminary Life: Take 2

I’m still alive! Just kidding, I’m doing fine! We’re about 4 weeks into classes. Fall is here, but it’s been just in the last week that it’s gotten chilly. It was in the early 70’s still this week though!

                                                      View of campus from one side.

Classes are interesting and I'm loving it. A few of them are little “slow” at times for me just because I’ve learned some of the things before, but I'm making friends and enjoying it! I’m being indoctrinated with Covenant Theology…. which for some people is OK, but I just don't agree with it. I’ll have to to pay attention that I put the “right” answers down for mid-terms/finals. It has been a bit frustrating at times, because it’s so clear to me that they are contradicting themselves… but whatever! (If you don’t know what I’m talking about sorry, forgive the rant!) Anyway, I love LOVE my counseling coursework! CCEF is really solid Biblically, but sees people so holistically. It's very complex and deep; I’ve learned so much and have had to think about things deeper that I have before! So much insight! I’ve read I don’t know how many books (partial or whole) but I am still ahead on assignments so that’s super! Assignments often feel daunting at first, but once I get into it, I am learning a lot!

                                         My desk in my room.... I spend a lot of time there!

I’ve gotten a little job at a church nearby, watching 3 year-old's during a Bible Study. It’s just about 2 hours a week so not much, but gives me something to do outside of schoolwork and a bit of money. I’ve also settled on a church that I really like. It’s in northeast Philadelphia and there’s a discipleship group every other Sunday night that I’ll be going to so that’s nice! It’s a Sovereign Grace church, there's some great preaching, delightful worship times and I’m really enjoying it.

Tomorrow I’m heading HOME for weekend so that will be lovely! Next weekend I’ll be heading down to Virginia Beach for CCEF’s national conference.  I’m really looking forward to going; there are some great sessions and workshops lined up!

Thanks so much to those of you who are praying, it makes a difference! 

With love,

              Amelia

Seminary Life: First Taste

Well, here I am a seminary student!!!! This one of the dreams of my life that has actually come true and I’m extremely grateful to the Lord for leading and providing, and for my wonderful family for supporting and encouraging me in this. Thank you!

 I’ve survived orientation, my first full week of classes (classes actually started Thursday 9/10) and my first assignments! It’s a good thing I like to read, but I still have to take breaks and do something else for awhile. How many books have I read so far? I’d have to stop and think… a few and parts of 2 or 3 others. Also written 3 papers and most of another… At the moment I think I’m a bit ahead on my assignments, so that’s a good feeling!

I live a little over a mile away from campus and can ride my bike there if the weather’s nice (and not too hot!). I’ve found the cheap place to buy produce and am getting familiar with the area. We have chapel Tuesday and Wednesday and prayer groups on Thursday – which is going to be a really nice way to have some fellowship and build some relationships. Also on Monday and Friday I go to a mid-day prayer time at a church in Philly… if you saw my facebook post about it last week I said I met Miss Clara (from the movie War Room) – but not really, she just reminds me of her! It’s a nice break in my day of reading and study and a sweet time of prayer.

I am super blessed to enjoy reading and writing, but already there’s been moments when it’s been challenging. At times I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed! If you would like to pray for me that would be a huge blessing to me! Please specifically pray for:

-Humility – At times my “flesh” would like to think I can handle all this, but I need the Lord’s help and I need to be dependent on Him.

-That I will prioritize personal time in the Word and in prayer.

-Time management & Focus - that I’ll learn to use my time in the most efficient way possible and be able to concentrate well on what I’m reading/studying.

-That I will trust the Lord and not be anxious about all that I have to do, or about my future. This has been an ongoing process for me in the last 2 years.

-Over-all self-discipline – not just with time, but in other areas as well. (example: that I will eat healthy and exercise. You want more specifics? That I’ll stay away from the Baskin Robins/DD that’s just down the street!)

-Friendships. I’ve made some friends thus far, but would love to see those develop more over the semester and have some close ones.

In case you’d like to know about my Classes here they are:

Biblical Theology I: This is basically theology of the Old Testament. 6 response papers, a research paper, mid-term and final…. Here we go!

Survey of Church History: Pretty much self-explanatory. This will be my easiest class as I’ve already had some previous classes in this area.

Survey of Reformed Theology: Similar to previous class, but is focusing on the development (or re-development) of Reformed Theology post-Reformation. Should be an easier class as well as I am familiar with much of this. Some of the reading/assignments even just this week has been more difficult just because of the Covenantal theology emphasis which I disagree with.  

Old Testament for Ministry: This class is a follow-up class to Biblical Theology I (supposed to be taken 2^nd year, but I’m taking it now). This is looking like it will be a more difficult class with a lot of reading and 6 papers! I was/am looking forward to this class as I think it will be very interesting, but there’s a lot of work to do!

Counseling & Physiology: This class is all about how man is dualistic and consists of both body and soul/spirit. We are not just one or the other. Furthermore, these two things intersect and impact each other more than we realize. This will be an interesting class for sure!

Apologetics: This will be a more intense class. It’s involving a lot of critical thinking and some more heavy reading. The good news? No papers for this class! Again, getting a good dose of Covenantal theology…

Also for credit I will also be attending CCEF’s national conference in Virginia Beach in October, and will have some short response papers to write after attending sessions.

Doctrinal Divides

There are various “camps” within Christianity today. People often ask “why so many denominations?” or “why can’t all Christians just get along?” To our shame we do not get along as well as we should. But where some would blame it on “doctrine”, I would say that most of the time it is not doctrine that divides us, it’s arrogance.

To start off I want to clarify that it’s not that doctrine never divides, because it sometimes does. In fact, when it comes down to essentials of the Christian faith it should! There is such a thing as truth and that is found in the Word of God. There are things that "Orthodox" and those should be non-negotiable. There may also come a time when a Christian doesn’t agree with their church or a ministry on some non-essential but important points of doctrine or other things and the best course is to move elsewhere. That happens. However the division I am talking about here is relational division. I have seen brothers go through relational division because of doctrine to the point where they no longer speak or have contact, but I have also seen two people disagree over doctrine and yet have no “division” in their relationship. Certainly it takes both parties to do this; if one party is humble but the other is critical and arrogant, relational intimacy is going to be very difficult, if not impossible. There are times when you may have to cut yourself off from that person (even if they might not have intended to bring division) (Titus 3:10).

Also in writing this I am rather keenly aware of the pride within my own heart, although still probably not as much as I should be. I have been far too defensive, often judged or looked down on others and avoided people because I disagreed with them. But I have experienced grace too. God has been patient with me. But also I have experienced love and friendship from others towards me even when I know they don’t agree with me. It is for these people that I have come to have the utmost respect, despite any doctrinal disagreements and I am forever grateful. 

Does doctrine matter? Of course it does! Knowledge is essential for growth. In fact, John Piper writes “We are not safe from pride if we neglect serious thinking and turn away from knowledge. ‘My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge’ (Hos 4:6).” Doctrine matters. But as Sam Storms writes, “Theological truth is not the problem. Arrogance is.” When it comes down to the more minor, non-essential points of theology it is not actually the doctrine that divides. In other words, it’s not just about precise theology, it’s about our attitude. As 1 Cor. 13:2 says, we can have “all knowledge” but if we do not have love, it’s nothing. We ought to love truth, but it ought to lead us into a deeper humility. Does your doctrine humble you? Does it lead you to have a gracious attitude towards others? If not, you may need to re-examine your heart, and if you think you're not prideful, you very well may be in danger of it. (1 Cor. 10:12)

In our doctrine we all want to be on God’s side. But sometimes in claiming this we imply that the other person is not. This really is arrogant because we are only human; we don’t know everything. The truth is, we could be wrong!  We can start off with good intentions of being on “God’s side”, but then we end up fighting for our own because “certainly I’m right on this point” so I have a "right" to be defensive and critical. Jesus said, “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt 12:36-37). In all things we are called to be humble, and to love our brother/sister. Our words are to bring grace and encouragement to those who hear, they should not be used for tearing down. In the end, how much of our theology is really about God, and how much of it is really about us being right?

No one likes to think they are divisive, but I think most of us are more so that we’d like to admit. Can you be a divisive person at times? Here are some questions that may help:

·         Do you seek to have a high respect for over-all character of the person you disagree with?

·         You seek to love them as a brother/sister?

·         Do you speak negatively about them to others?

·         Do you avoid them?

·         Conversely, do you seek to maintain the friendship?

·         Do you get defensive?

·         Do you criticize them in a way that degrades (tears down) their reputation and character?

These questions are hard… they make me cringe, because I am guilty. But I also hope that I am learning. On that last question, criticism has become somewhat of a norm in Christianity today. Being critical of fine doctrinal points is something to be admired, we do want our doctrine to be “pure” after all. But do we realize how arrogant that is? Do you suppose that you have just a little more understanding (“smarts” we could say) or a little more of the Holy Spirit and you “know better” than someone else? I am so grieved at times at the critical spirit of so many Christians. They give some positives, but there’s always a “but” or a “however”. It’s like a disclaimer, “this was pretty good, but I don’t want to be known for totally agreeing with this… after all it doesn’t completely line up with exactly what I believe”. Why can’t we learn to be more gracious towards others, to praise the good we see and leave it at that? Must we always bring correction along with our praise? Is it really necessary and helpful?

One prayer I have for myself and for the church today is that we might learn to disagree with others more graciously, to let love cover a multitude of sins (or “misguided doctrine”), and learn to truly love others despite our disagreements that we might be the unified body Jesus prayed we would be (John 17).

Reading List (August 31, 2015) & Important Update

Finished this month:

In case you missed it I wrote a book review earlier this month for Plugged In: Proclaiming Christ in the Internet Age by Marie Notcheva here. (Or see previous post.)

How do Preaching and Corporate Prayer Work Together? By Ryan McGraw

This short little booklet on praying in the life of the church will give you some good reasons why prayer is so important. “Every congregation should be characterized by two things above all others: corporate prayer and faithful preaching of the Word” (p. 16). Prayer is the fuel behind the preaching, prayer calls the Holy Spirit to action – and this is God’s means of working, through prayer. Too many Christians do not realize the need for prayer, or the power behind prayer. It’s “important”, but not that important. But you should attend corporate prayer, and you should bring your children too. “Children who do not attend prayer meetings usually become adults who do not attend prayer meetings… teaching your children to attend and participate in prayer meetings is one of the greatest encouragements that a congregation can experience.” (p. 21). “Prayer never changes the mind of God, but prayer does fulfill the eternal counsel of God” (p. 19). I do believe that if you want to see change, growth, conversions, etc. within your church, you must pray, prayer meetings must happen, and the Holy Spirit must be asked for.

“It is God’s manner before any great work for his church, to stir up the spirits of his beloved ones to give him no rest… And undoubtedly if we would join the forces of our prayers together, and set upon God with an holy violence, he would set his power, his wisdom, his goodness, on work for the exalting of his church, and ruin of the enemies of it.” (quoting Richard Sibbes, p. 12)

Joy Unspeakable by Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones is one of my favorite writers/preachers! This was a glorious book, a call for an earnest seeking after the renewing power of the Holy Spirit. We become so content in our Christian walk, we are satisfied with baby steps of growth – nothing wrong with that, but God has a Spirit that He is willing to pour out upon us again to infuse us with joy and power to be His witnesses. We need fresh outpourings because we easily grow cold, or at least apathetic. The work of the Spirit is often quiet within us, but it is also meant to be experimental. It is a relationship that we have, a love-relationship at that! Dr. Lloyd-Jones gives great teaching here on what it means to be filled with the Holy Spirit, addresses questions like Are we to ask/seek for more of the Holy Spirit? The answer is yes, and he goes on to discuss how we are to do this. I was greatly encouraged just by reading this, and reminded that God is still at work and has a deeper Spiritual life for me to experience.

“[Another] danger, then, is that of being satisfied with something very much less than what is offered in the Scripture, and the danger of interpreting Scripture by our experiences and reducing its teaching to the level of what we know and experience; and I would say that this is the greater danger…” (p. 18)

“New Testament Christianity is not just a formal, polite, correct, and orthodox kind of faith and belief. No! What characterizes it is this element of love and passion, this pneumatic element, this life, this vigour, this abandon, this exuberance… That is what me must seek…” (p. 201)

How to Say No to A Stubborn Habit by Erwin Lutzer

I’m actually not quite done with this book, but close enough! Most of us have stubborn habits (sins) that we struggle with and this is a very practical book on how to break the chains that hold us back from growth and freedom. He deals with guilt, the truth that we need to humble ourselves and seek God’s help, and that we need to realize/reckon our position in Christ. We do not fight from a position of weakness and defeat, we fight from our position in Christ – we are adopted by God, holy and beloved! As we learn to fix our gaze, our mind, on the cross, on the Word of God, than sin and selfish desires will fade into the background. By saying Yes to God, we will be saying NO to temptation (see p.59). This is a really great practical book to overcoming temptation and pursuing holiness.

“Temptation is not sin; it is a call to battle.” (p. 50)

“Only a Christian who is disciplined in the Word of God can rest in the Lord.” (p. 80)

And now, an important update and coming change in my “Reading List” posts:

For those of you who don’t know, I leave for Westminster Theological Seminary in exactly 1 week!!!! For the last year and a half I have been taking online classes and this school year I will be finishing my Master of Arts Degree in Counseling. It will be a very busy year for me, I’m taking 18 credits just this fall! As a result, my reading will almost completely consider of class-required reading which is spread out over the semester, and so my reading list will not be as organized each month. Thus, for the next 9 months my plan is to write a short “Reading List & Seminary Update” and share with you what I’m reading and learning! Please do pray for me as I embark on this journey, I look forward to seeing what the Lord has in store! Thanks for reading!

Plugged In: Proclaiming Christ in the Internet Age (Book Review)

This is Marie Notcheva’s second book, her first book (Redeemed From the Pit) I wrote a review for when it came out 3 years ago so I feel privileged to write a review for this one as well. This book is primarily written for Christians who desire to minister to others online whether it’s knowing how to respond to someone’s “I’m depressed” post, evangelizing or doing one-on-one counseling. A shorter book, just under 125 pages, but packed with really great advice!

In our modern technological age the internet has opened to us a whole world to interact with. It’s also a whole new sphere where self-promotion is free to abound, where attention-seeking can be disguised and it’s a whole lot easier to be mean and say things you would never say to a person’s face. On the positive side we have a multitude of opportunities to interact with people. We listen, we speak and seek to teach and encourage. With this comes great opportunity, but yet many challenges. How do we navigate communicating with people we have never met or rarely see face-to-face? Is it possible and effective to disciple someone online? 

Marie has years of experience with online relationships and counseling. In this book she explores with us the World Wide Web as a tool to be used, but with wisdom and discretion.  It is a great tool for evangelism and building up others in the faith, but Marie also shares a few stories that illustrate well some cautions we should have when interacting and counseling people online. How do you respond to a “seeker” who seems to understand the Gospel? How do you respond to someone’s seeming cry for help via dark and disturbing posts? Marie discusses various situations and how we can have more discernment in our responses. Many times we can learn to be creative in how we comment on something, but in some cases of more serious issues, private messages are better. Even a “hey, how are you doing?” communicates to people that you notice, and that you care about them .  All relationships are built on trust, Marie reminds us, and trust must be built over time by listening, caring and encouraging. 

True discipleship means a personal relationship, and truth be told, you cannot have a real personal relationship online. We are relational, physical beings and we need face-to-face relationships in order to truly thrive. Marie emphasizes this throughout her book as well as the importance of the local church, which is the community that is absolutely needed for a Christian to grow. If a “seeker” is not interested in getting connected with a church or meeting with a believer in their area then unfortunately that is likely a sign that they are not truly seeking change. Another important point Marie makes in this book is that social media interaction is not fellowship and online instruction is just that, instruction. It’s not discipleship. Marie writes that “a key component of real discipleship is lost online: accountability” (p. 35, emphasis hers) It’s important to be aware that many people say things online in order to gain attention. It’s easy to please people and say all the right things when you’re speaking through a computer screen.

There were a number of things I appreciated in this book. One was the reminder that just because someone wants to talk to us online doesn’t mean they need to monopolize our time. Marie writes, “If you are spending hours writing to someone who doesn’t seem willing to understand or search the Scriptures himself, you may need to re-evaluate the time you are spending with them.” (p. 47) .We need to keep our priorities straight and not get distracted by conversations that are not profitable. Discernment is needed in this area, and Marie shares great advice on how to know when to let an interaction end. Another thing I was reminded/convicted about was how easy it is to follow what everyone else is doing online. Social media especially is so narcissistic (self-focused) and designed to promote self and it’s easy to slip into that. I also appreciated her warnings about how easy it is to be sarcastic and snippy, and act/speak in ways we never would in person. Again, super easy to do; it’s so easy to type something sarcastic and not think about how the other person might feel because we can’t see their reaction. As Christians, everything we do, say and write should be done in love, for the edification of others and for the glory of God. And we all need to grow in this area!

In this internet-driven age we need Scripture-grounded thinking and discernment in how to use our time wisely and how to use the tools available to us. This book gives really practical advice on how to do that – especially for those of us who interact often on social media. I hope you’ll pick up a copy and be greatly edified by it!

You can purchase the book here, just $10 with Amazon Prime! (Also available on Kindle.)

For more information about Marie, to hear her testimony and learn about her counseling ministry, visit her blog: http://redeemedfromthepit.blogspot.com/