If you’re single
and reading this you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking “what does she
know, she’s married now!”
I know, because I’ve
totally thought that! I really do totally understand and in no way wish to
minimize how you feel because I remember feeling a very similar way. And I hope this is encouraging!
I got married about
2 weeks ago at the age of 32. It was a pretty long wait. I say “long” because it
was, (although I know other people who have gotten married a lot younger and
say it was a long wait… I really don’t think you’re allowed to say
it was long until you’re at least late 20’s, but it still seemed long to them I'm sure). I also say “pretty"
long because I have friends who are the same age as me or are older and are
still hoping to be married. I greatly admire and respect them for how they’ve
sought to wait on the Lord even in their deep desire to be married. And I know many people who suffer in other ways that I haven't... how I admire their faith and trust in God in the midst of so much difficulty!
Being married now
and looking back, it’s true, singleness
is really hard (and if you’ve read my blog you know just how challenging it’s been
for me personally). But, it also had a whole LOT of sweetness. I had many blessings and experiences while single that I wouldn't have had if I'd been married.
But yes, I love being
married. I love being with my wonderful husband who’s my best friend. But in
all honesty I do remember thinking at one point before we were married “do I
really want to do this?” ‘cause when you
get married, you’re not your own anymore. All my money, all my free time (all
my time pretty much), things like how much I slept in, how clean I kept my
room, what I wanted to eat for dinner or buy at the grocery store – all these decisions
would no longer me mine to make as I pleased. There was someone else to
consider, a living breathing person with feelings (and good sense) living with
me to make decisions with and to submit my desires to.
Hello marriage. Goodbye independence.
Is it worth it? YES,
absolutely. But I’m just saying that it IS a sacrifice. And I’m saying, if you’re
single, don’t take it for granted. Elisabeth Elliot wrote a lot about how
singleness is a gift… and she experienced the hardship and the joys of it. I
struggled to believe this as a single person, but I re-read 1 Corinthians 7
(where Paul talks about how single people are free to serve the Lord) recently
as a married woman and it struck me in a new way. Truly I was much more
distracted now; I had a husband to focus on and please. Before I could devote
myself to God and to His people and I realized in a deeper way what a great
gift that is! To be free and unhindered to serve, give, love… as a single person, I was a great gift to
the Church! There are so many ways that I was able to serve that at the
time didn’t seem important, certainly not exciting. But looking back and seeing
all that God’s done in and through me it’s pretty neat! In my 12+years being a
single adult I got to do a lot of amazing things! I went to college, got
training in Biblical counseling, traveled various places, I lived for 2 short
periods in Germany, went to Bible School for a year, interned for an amazing
ministry in Colorado, took seminary classes and then went to seminary. And that’s
not to mention all the great family trips, road trips with friends, summers at
a Christian camp (this was the first summer I didn't go at all and it was sad!), and many
opportunities to serve in my church in ways that other people couldn’t! There
were so many things that I didn’t realize till later the great gift each
experience was to me and to others involved. They have made me into the person
that I am today. And they have helped to shape and bless others in more ways
that I even know.
I’ve learned over
the years that discontentment can come at you no matter where you are in life.
Just watch “Mom’s Night Out” to see that (I could seriously identify with Allyson’s
feelings even though I was single and didn’t have any kids). I certainly
struggled with discontentment while I was single, and at times I gave in to it.
As a result there were opportunities for me that I didn’t take advantage of.
Moments where I could have served, loved, given and been a blessing but I was
too distracted by what I didn’t have. In a recent
sermon at my church we were reminded that this sinful world is
discouraging, but even in the midst of that we ought to be
pursuing joy in God and living the life He’s called us to to the fullest. Singleness
is hard at times, but so is marriage. Friends, LIFE is hard! But it’s also filled with
so many wonderful gifts!
All this to say,
don’t disregard where God has you right now. Don't end up wasting your time focusing on what you don't have and miss opportunities. He has a great purpose for your
life. You are a gift to those around you.
He’s given you a life to live so go live it! Enjoy every moment you can but
remember that lasting joy only comes from the Giver Himself. Put Him first and then
enjoy life as much as you can!
